Thanks for Nothing

Imagine waking up, it’s the fourth Thursday in November, you open your eyes just to see the yellowing mattress peeking through the top bunk of your metal bed, you take a deep breath in and a long exhale out because it’s going to be a long day. You had hoped when you went to bed last night you would be transported to Friday…but alas here you are, another Thanksgiving – more like another Thanks for nothing.

You close your eyes and for just a moment you allow yourself to imagine what it might feel like to wake up to a normal family and a real Thanksgiving. You can hear the laughter and happiness ringing through the house, you can feel the crisp sheets and down comforter with hundreds of pillows holding you in place, warmly hugging you – the feeling of safety. You have your own room, everything matches and

slightly glows. You hear laughter coming from the living area and smell the savory turkey roasting upstairs drawing you out of bed ready to experience the love and joy awaiting to greet you. You imagine how full your heart would feel and how grateful you would feel. Instead, you blink your eyes and all you hear is the hum of the oscillating fan, the smell of the dank basement, and the promise of an awkward day reminding you of the life you don’t have.

You roll out of bed, put on your second-hand clothes and take the short walk up the spiral staircase to your reality. You live in a licensed group-home, you’re lucky because it’s run by a family instead of by staff but there’s always ten kids from different families, different cities, different lives. And of course, there’s her kids and then there’s us – the bio kids versus the foster kids, a continuous reminder of your status. At least this year you’re not in trouble, this year you’re not on dish duty – you’ve managed to dodge that bullet. Now you just have to get through the day, and you have a strategy, keep your mouth shut, don’t embarrass your foster mom and don’t fight with any of the kids. All of those things could result in dish duty, banishment to your room for the remainder of the day, or no dessert – and you don’t want any of those things. So, you keep a low profile, do what you’re told, and try and stay out of the way.

Before long the cooking begins and guests arrive, it’s their family – more awkwardness ensues. Everyone looks at you with a hint of pity trying to make small talk and avoiding the sadness of your circumstances. You hate having to pretend to be happy, pretend that you’re okay, and pretend that you’re grateful for all you don’t have. You’re careful to not take too much food and to only take one dessert, you don’t want to get in trouble – the fear is real. You’ve learned exactly what you need to do every day to survive – so you keep your head down, avoid eye contact when possible and put all your effort into making it through the day.

You make it through just to be reminded Monday morning when you go to school and hear about everyone else’s holiday, that you’re different. Will this loneliness ever end? Will you ever experience the joy and thankfulness that everyone else seems to feel? Why does today feel like an eternity?

So, if you’re a foster kid this Thanksgiving and you feel anything like how I felt as a kid, know that tomorrow will come, the circumstances of today are temporary, and you will survive. I want you to know there is no such thing as a perfect family, but you have the ability to build whatever future you want. You have the ability to someday give your kids the Thanksgivings you never had where you feel so much appreciation and gratitude for the things you have. Remember, you can’t have a good day without a bad one. The perspective you are gaining from your circumstances will allow the good days to be so much sweeter – you will fully appreciate and embrace the beautiful life you have created and all the blessings that have come your way. Work hard so your kids don’t have to imagine what it feels like to be loved every day, so your kids can wake up to the smell of roasting turkey, laughter, and the feeling of true joy.

This Thanksgiving, remember the 391,000 kids nationwide living in foster care.