Birthday Bash: A Foster Girl's Brave Gesture

I sit in my room tears forming, anxiety swelling, and feelings of helplessness, fear, and sadness overwhelm my whole being. I’m going to my friend Jocelyn’s birthday party tomorrow and I don’t have a gift to give her. We’re on the cusp of becoming teenagers and I’m embarrassed that I"m going to go to her party empty handed and I’m too scared to ask my foster mom to buy her a gift. Once again, I feel different, isolated, and helpless, feeling the full weight of my circumstances.  

I close my eyes, take a deep breath in and exhale out all the excuses and paralyzing self-pity I’m feeling. I will not let circumstances out of my control define this moment and I begin thinking of how I can solve this problem. I wipe the remaining tears from my eyes and begin contemplating what can I do for Jocelyn? As I rack my brain, I glance over to the small double cassette boombox sitting on the floor.  The light bulb goes off – I’m going to make her a mixed tape. A home-made gift that every [almost] teenage girl can appreciate.  So, I examine my inventory of mixed tapes looking for a blank tape or at least one that I haven’t written on; I don’t find one. But desperate times call for desperate measures, I pick one of my mixed tapes I am willing to part with and begin formulating the jams I’m going to add to her tape.  I spend the next few hours putting together the perfect mix of TLC and Britney Spears.

Tomorrow comes fast and I find myself being driven to the birthday party by my foster mom.  I’m armed with my mixed tape, and proud I’m not going to the party empty handed.  She drops me off and I walk up to the beautiful house Jocelyn calls home.  I ring the doorbell hearing the giggles and laughter of a dozen girls celebrating on the other side. Her mom answers the door and shows me in. I walk into a celebration of balloons, confetti, and the smell of pizza.  I spot the table filled with colorful paper and bows, I look down at my mixed tape, unwrapped and I walk over to the table and set is hidden in the back of the gifts. 

Later we all gather around Jocelyn as she begins opening the gifts our friends have brought her.  I sit there a bit anxious; my mixed tape seems so small and used in relation to the new shiny gifts she has opened so far.  Her mom finally gets to my tape, she hands it to Jocelyn, and as I try to hide my embarrassment I say, “That’s from me I made you a mixed tape.” Sometimes you just have to own it; but the compassion in her mom’s eyes could see through my courage as she says, “The best gifts are home-made gifts, how incredibly thoughtful.”  I again exhale, humbled by the experience but at least feeling my gift was valued.   

The moments in my childhood when I had to make an intentional choice to overcome my circumstances instead of letting them define me, are innumerable.  These choices are what have defined my success; however, that doesn’t change how hard it was to face these moments head on. Foster kids of all ages face these moments, and it is the kindness of the compassionate mentors and role models they interact with that give these kids the courage to face the next challenge.  Together we can change the statistical trajectory of at-risk kids. The smallest act of kindness goes so far.  

If you’re a foster kid, I challenge you to face these moments with bravery and courage. Don’t back down and don’t let the “why me” stop you from interacting and participating with people who can show you a glimpse of a different life. It may be easier to isolate, not let others see your circumstance, never being vulnerable, but this will limit your ability to move forward. Instead embrace what is in your control, capture the superpowers you are building and know that the choices you make today will define your success tomorrow. Keep moving forward, you are worth it and worthy of more!